Tuesday, 19 May 2020
The Unexpected Trip
It was morning, about 8 am, and I was getting ready for my day. I decided to have a bath. I got into the bath when the tap was running and before I could turn off the tap, I found myself in the ocean!
“Where am I? Where’s Mum and Dad? MUM, DAD... Where are you?”.
Every where I looked I could see water, lots and lots of water.
What do I do now I thought to myself.
I heard a noise behind me, I turned around and there I saw a turtle I screamed and screamed. I said to myself oh my gosh get away from me.
I used my hands as paddles I paddled as fast as I could. The turtle kept on following me so I stopped.The turtle went to the of front the bath and looked at the tap. The tap was still on I heard a noise behind me so I looked back but there was nothing there, I turned back and the turtle was gone!.
I looked at the tap and wondered if I should turn it off, I decided that it would be a good idea so I did,
I looked around I was back at home in the bath I quickly remembered mum and dad, I yelled out to them. Mum and dad came quickly, running it's like they didn’t even notice I had been missing!. I thought to myself I kinda like being in the ocean.
8 comments:
Thank you for your positive, thoughtful, helpful comments.
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Thoughtful - a sentence or more that lets me know you that you read/watched or listened to what I had to say.
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Greetings Kaysey! The story is very short but you did well. I like the main idea about the story, it is very interesting! Wow! I wrote a story similar to this, but it says that a girl rode a bathtub in the sky and flew to the ocean! I wonder, how you got back and if you told your parents about it in the story! You should edit your punctuation, like when you don’t stop in a long sentence. It would be great if the story would tell more, but otherwise, it was superb!
ReplyDeleteHi Kasey, I really like your story, your story it’s really interesting.Your story has a lot of detail and makes that really interesting. It reminds me of when I read a story with my friends
ReplyDeleteMaybe next time you could say like you also saw lots of fish too.
Kia ora Kasey,
ReplyDeleteIt’s Carys. I like it when you tried to paddle with your hand
I really hope you can do another one soon.
You could do another story that you are in your bedroom because you have time out and you get really angry and your room suddenly turns into a jungle.
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DeleteHi Kasey. I liked your story. The unexpected trip! :) well done!
ReplyDeleteKa Pai! I thought it reminded me of imagining your in a normal place and then next minute your not! :0
I don’t think you need help yours is already great :)
Hi kasey i love your story its very creative.
ReplyDeleteDid the turtle become your friend?
Maybe try not to use “i” for most of your sentence starting
well done 😁
Hi Kasey my bff :) You're story is great I enjoyed it, not much I can help with but maybe try use different words then "I" and less "." but keep up the good writing!
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